


burning lavender

by orphan_account



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, F/M, Pining, Post-Fourth Shinobi War, Pre-Boruto, kurama is a smartass, mainly naruto, naruto and hinata are HURTING
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-23 13:27:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14935146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: BURNING LAVENDER. devotion. silence. caution. all three things that uzumaki naruto comes face to face with when facing hyuuga hinata and the fact that she’s loving someone who isn’t him.





	burning lavender

**Author's Note:**

> AHHH hello,,, i haven’t written in so long but i love naruhina and angst so i thought why the fuck not!!! thank u so much to my buds kc and enji for being there while i wrote this :D i wouldn’t of finished it those guys!!! i'm currently thinking about doing a series where characters who would usually upset/hurt another character in a relationship are the ones getting hurt... (like sasuke is hurt by sakura, for example).. so to start this off i decided to do naruhina where naruto is hurt by hinata :D
> 
> other notes: this is post-war and pre-boruto and also pre-the last if u want to count that in there,,,

the sudden loss of breath. the stopping of a heartbeat. a cruel twist at the bottom of his stomach. naruto didn't think he would react in this way. why did everything around him become so heavy at the sight of her? the air surrounding him was thick and his lungs refused it. a deafening crack rung throughout his head, causing his hand to fly up and grab onto his hair, trying to rip out the internal pain. what was this feeling? his eyes were actually watering? naruto didn't cry easily, not anymore at least. he had been through hell and back, even the war didn't put a stop in his happiness. but as he stood in front of ichiraku, watching as hinata and a chunin, who he didn't know, slurp up their ramen and cuddle close on the red stools, naruto couldn't stop the tears from streaming down his cheeks.

it had been three days since he saw her. he hadn't left his apartment once, not even to eat. for once in his seventeen years of life, naruto wasn't hungry. his stomach didn't eagerly rumble, begging for a large bowl of noodles. it remained silent, as did he. for the entirety of those three days, naruto either laid in bed or sat at the small table in the corner of his room. all he did was think about hinata. she was haunting him. no matter what, hinata wouldn't leave his conscious, unconscious, or even subconscious. all of the memories they shared, their awkward genin days, the day he had returned from training with jiraiya, pein's attack on the village, the war, everything, it all clouded his head. as he sat at the circular table, barely having room for his elbows to rest on the surface from the piled-up trash, naruto was unable to shake the memory of hinata confessing to him off his mind.

_"your smile is what saved me. thats why i'm not afraid to die if it means i can protect you. because . . . i love you, naruto."_

the determination, the genuine emotion in her voice sent chills down naruto’s spine as he reminisced. hinata had risked her life. shit, she almost died defending the blonde boy. it didn’t make sense to him, her confession. was it even a confession? naruto had saved so many people before, so many others claimed to love him. maybe she meant it like that, maybe she solely thought of him as a savior rather than a lover. no, naruto thought. _hinata doesn’t just say things easily. she stumbles over her sentences and stutters on every other word because of how shy she is. but she wasn’t shy then. she was so confident in what she was saying, in herself. it was the first time i had ever seen her like that, so it had to mean something, right?_

naruto was growing irritated, a fire was starting to burn at the bottom of his stomach and he knew that it would quickly run out of his control. the entire situation simply wasn’t fair in his eyes. hinata couldn’t just confess like that, even confess for a second time during the war and end up with somebody else only a couple of months after peace overtook the village. banging his fists on the table in frustration, naruto pushed himself up and began to pace around his apartment. each step was louder than the next and he suspected that his neighbors would start banging on his front door in the next couple of minutes, but their complaints wouldn’t stop him from stomping around.

“why would she say something like that if she clearly didn’t mean it?” he snapped, his burning baby blues focused straight ahead at the wall, searching for an answer somewhere within the cracking paint. but of course, no answer came, because naruto was talking to a fucking wall instead of an actual human.

“for hinata to even say something like that, she has to mean it. she doesn’t throw words around carefully… especially not i love you.” the neverending contemplation was driving naruto insane. with fingers woven through his golden hair, he tugged in an attempt to release at least a tiny bit of his anger.

_i’m trying to sleep, kid. i haven’t gotten any rest because of your angry rambling over this girl. just go talk to somebody, damn._

naruto halted at kurama’s deep voice in the back of his mind. within an instant he slumped to the floor, flattening himself against the old wood. _sorry, kurama. i just don’t understand why she would tell me she loves me just to go out with somebody else._

_listen, i’m not someone to talk to about this. go see one of your friends or something, just let me get some sleep._

for the first time in three days, naruto’s head was free from thoughts of hinata. kurama needed to rest and naruto didn’t want to prevent his friend from sleeping any longer. in fact, kurama breaking his train of thought was a blessing. naruto hadn’t slept much at all the past three days either, leaving him exhausted. with the setting sun peeking through his partially closed blinds, naruto found himself curling up on the hardwood, quickly drifting off to sleep.

 

“why the hell are you asking me?” kiba glared at the boy in front of him, face covered in irritation and eyes wide at the question naruto had asked. why was the blonde asking him whether or not hinata had feelings for him? naruto should’ve been asking hinata herself, but even then wasn’t it already obvious to the entire village that hinata had grown tired of waiting naruto? of course it was, but naruto was still the same oblivious kid that couldn’t tell a blushing face from a fever. he had no idea that hinata finally made the decision to be with somebody that loved her, regardless of whether or not that person was uzumaki naruto.

“w-well… you’re one of her closest friends, aren’t you? i… i figured i’d ask somebody she’s close to…” naruto tripped over his words, off put by kiba’s unusual harshness. the brunette had always been cheerful, grinning and bouncing around like a puppy whenever naruto came around. never had he been curt with naruto, his tone sharp and housing hidden annoyance.

kiba shook his head, eyes falling to the dirt ground below his feet. he had always liked naruto, inspired by his perseverance and optimism, and didn’t want to be the one to break the news to him. the news that hinata had been dating a boy from her clan for the past month and a half and no, it wasn’t by her father’s will. hinata had made the decision to date hiri on her own. he was nothing like naruto, making him exactly what hinata needed to get over the village’s savior. with hiri’s typical hyuuga eyes, oval and a light violet, she soon began to forget the round baby blue that shone with anticipation. the hyuuga boy was laid back, but still had a funny side to him. he could make hinata giggle with ease, her cheeks running red from laughing too much. he was nowhere as loud and exciting as naruto. naruto was the ocean with a tsunami on its way, waves roaring and overpowering everything while hiri was a quiet brook that flowed with ease and brought peace to hinata’s life.

“you should ask her, naruto. i don’t want to be the one to tell you.” as if kiba’s aura hadn’t already confused naruto, his words only made things worse. what exactly was going on and why wasn’t kiba being upfront about it?

“kiba, i really don’t understand,” naruto replied, his head hanging low, blonde tendrils falling over his watering eyes. he wished he could stop himself from crying every other minute but naruto just couldn’t understand. something deep within him already realized that hinata didn’t love him anymore, but his outerself couldn’t accept that. there was no way he would fully accept it.

letting out a sigh, kiba pulled naruto by the hair so he could look him in the eyes. what he was about to say needed to get through naruto’s thick skull and the only way to do that was stare the boy down with honesty. “she doesn’t love you anymore, naruto. you were too late to come to your fe-”

he couldn’t hear the rest. he didn’t want to hear the rest. kiba was lying. yes, that’s exactly what it was. kiba was being a dirty liar and playing a trick on naruto. there was no way in hell that hinata would just stop loving him out of nowhere. she was so full of affection for him all those years before, why would she stop now? naruto had to find out.

 

the entrance to the hyuuga clan compound was terrifying. naruto’s knees were shaking with anxiety as he stood in front of the ginormous wooden gate. he knew that this was going to be difficult. there was the lingering possibility of running into her boyfriend before even reaching her. naruto feared what would happen if he came face to face with him.

_maybe i could finally be let loose for the first time in a long time. hyuuga’s aren’t that strong, kid, we could easily take him down and you could get your girl._

_KILLING HER BOYFRIEND ISN’T THE WAY TO WIN HER OVER, KURAMA._

_i mean, i’m just saying that it’s an option._

_shut up._

naruto pushed kurama’s words to the back of his mind and took a deep breath to calm himself before walking through the entrance of the compound. being a part of the head family, hinata’s house was all the way at the back of the compound. all of the houses surrounding hers were owned by members of the side family, put at the front to protect their leaders if an attack were to occur.

the walk was uncomfortable. with his hands shoved deep in his pockets and head hung low, he walked through the miniature village. bushes of blooming lavenders caged each house, the purple matching that of the hyuuga eye. naruto tried his best to keep his attention on the ground, not because the flowers reminded him of hinata and if he thought of her even more he would start to cry, but because a few clan members were out in the fields or on their porches, watching him. back when hinata had first confessed her feelings for naruto, rumors ran wild that the supposed next leader of the hyuuga clan was in love with an uzumaki. no, they had no idea as to why naruto was heading to the back of the enclosed area but they did assume his reasoning for being there.

_“is he here to confess to hinata? isn’t he a bit late for that?”_

_“somebody run and tell hiri the golden boy is coming for his lover.”_

_“i know he protected all of us or whatever, but does he really think he can just waltz into our h-”_

_“shut up, he can practically do whatever he wants. he’s uzumaki naruto.”_

all naruto could do was block his brain from comprehending the whispering. he wasn’t there for them nor their gossip, he was there for answers. crystal clear answers that were going to come straight from hyuuga hinata’s mouth. the closer he got to her house, which overpowered the others in the area, the more his nerves rose. his stomach was being twisted by the hands of his broken heart, its nails gripping into his organs and pushing bile up his throat. god, he hated this. he hated that he came here. if he hadn’t already made it this far he would’ve turned back and ran straight home. but it was far too late for that.

 _it’s okay, naruto. you got this. just ask her and get her answer. you already know what it is, but just make sure. and don’t make her feel guilty for anything. whatever she wants to do is her decision, yaknow? you can force your feelings on her now, especially not when she has somebody else._ it was self explanatory that naruto wouldn’t make her feel guilty for her feelings, but he had to remind himself. with the way his emotions had been all over the place recently, he wasn’t sure as to how he would express them. the anger within him wanted to scream at her and blame her for everything, questioning why she couldn’t tell him that she had moved on. the sadness wanted to fall to the ground and cry, begging her to leave hiri and finally be with him. but the confusion within him wanted to ask why, that’s all. naruto decided that he would go with the confused part of him.

just as naruto walked up to the front door of her house, about to raise his closed fist and knock twice, hinata pulled the door open. at the sight of her with her long hair tied back, bangs covering her forehead, and her round, wandering purple eyes, naruto nearly began to cry. _you can’t cry in front of her, not yet at least._ he chanted, repeating the sentence over and over again in his head until the tears disappeared.

hinata took a few steps back, not expecting to be face to face with the boy she once considered the love of her life. his physical appearance portrayed exactly how he felt inside, broken. it was easy for hinata to realize that he was hurting and she knew it was all because of her and her decision to try and move on. _this isn’t your fault. it’s nobody’s fault_ , she told herself, blinking a couple of times and really taking naruto in. his eyes were slightly caving in, dark circles almost as bad as the kazekage’s natural eyes. his hair was disheveled and his clothes looked as though they hadn’t been washed in days. hinata would’ve been lying to say that this didn’t hurt her. this wasn’t the naruto she knew, not the one that she had once fallen in love with. this was somebody different, somebody that she didn’t want to see.

“h–hina-”

“naruto. why are you here?” she cut him off before he could even complete her name. her voice was as cold as ice and naruto wasn’t wearing a winter coat. chills ran down his spine and tears, they never fucking stopped trying to break from his body, threatened to run loose. but it was more than the shortness of her words that hurt naruto. for as long as he’s known hinata she always called him “naruto- _kun_ ”, never just “ _naruto_ ”, and hearing it for the first time stung like a yellow jacket.

hinata didn’t mean to come off so harsh and she could quickly tell by naruto’s face drooping even lower, if that was even possible, that her words went straight through his heart like a kunai. instinctively, she felt horrible for making him so upset. naruto had never done anything to directly hurt her. even though they weren’t together he didn’t chase after other girls, probably because he was more focused on training to save the world, he didn’t talk bad about her or force himself on her, he just remained the same old naruto. but she had grown tired of waiting for naruto to come around, she had confessed twice and he had said nothing of it. something within her was angry at naruto for not returning her feeling so quickly and made her chase after hiri, somebody who had liked her since they were children. he was available. he was safe. he was there. naruto was always busy. naruto had danger calling his name. naruto was out of reach, to her at least. so she had to let him go.

it wasn’t an easy decision to make. hinata had spent days, weeks even, crying in bed and contemplating whether or not she should get with hiri. finally, after more crying and venting to hanabi, hinata decided to give him a chance. and she ended up fine. maybe she wasn’t completely happy with him, because nobody could fill the space in her heart that she had left for naruto, but she was content. it was solely a bonus that he was a hyuuga, making it easy for her father to get on board with their relationship. even after everything naruto did for konoha, hiashi would always be wary about a hyuuga marrying outside of their prestigious clan.

naruto shook his head, eyes closing shut as he attempted to, for lack of better words, get his shit together and just ask hinata. he didn’t understand why he couldn’t just do it. he had done so many things without thinking. one of naruto’s main traits was his irrational thinking, yet this entire situation had him thinking too much and overanalyzing the situation like he was from the nara clan.

“are you going to say something?” hinata said, her voice reverting back to the gentle, sing-song one that naruto was used to. the guilt of being so cold to him before he even said anything left a nasty taste in hinata’s mouth, leaving her wanting to make up for the previous tone. and with the random tranquility it brought out of him, naruto was able to speak.

“do you love me?” his head shot up, watering eyes staring straight into hinata’s eyes. the anger was riling up within him, red flames engulfing his heart and running up his throat until it erupted from his mouth. naruto wanted to prevent it from hurting either of them, but he was too weak against his emotions. “do you _really_ love me? have you ever even loved me or did you only say all of that because of what i was doing, because of my sacrifices for the village? why was it so easy to get over me, hinata? is it because you never truly loved me? it hasn’t even been a fucking year and you’re with somebody else and it _hurts_ , hinata. it hurts to see you with somebody else, to see you loving somebody else. i… i never knew what love was. it was a word that i threw around easily as a kid until… until i met my parents and then i just stopped using it because of all the meaning it holds to me now. those three words aren’t empty anymore, they have a special place in my heart. did you just throw it around easily with me? were they actually special?”

hinata was speechless. it was natural for naruto to ramble, he was never good with his feelings and she knew this. but his usuals ramblings held no meaning, just pointless words spewed out at the same time and not completing coherent thoughts or ideas. but this was different. the cracking of his voice and the visible tears running down his cheeks opened up his heart to hinata, allowed her to finally see the naruto that she had always wanted to see. the one who let himself hurt, the one who didn’t disregard his feelings. yet at the same time, his harsh words forced their way into her ears, busting her eardrum and taking over her mind.

she never knew that dating hiri would do this to naruto. not even a war could break this boy, but she could. to naruto, he knew why she had the power to break him. hinata had become his entire universe without even knowing it. prior to the days of hinata haunting him, naruto had found himself thinking of her more often than usual. at random hours he would wonder what she was doing and whether she would want to go get ramen together or just hang out, but she was always hiding away. she became everything to him, but he was never good at confessing. he didn’t know how. he never knew genuine love, he didn’t know how to tell somebody that he was in love with him, especially when that somebody was hyuuga hinata. but god, did he fucking want to. there were so many days when naruto considered running to wherever hinata was to pull her into a tight embrace and unload his heavy heart. yet the one day he decided to finally do it, he saw her with somebody else.

on the other hand, hinata knew nothing of this. she was so sheltered from everything, especially after the war, and rarely had the chance to catch up with naruto. even when she did have the time, girls would be flinging themselves at naruto for being their guardian angel and protecting the village. hinata would lurk in the shadows, watching as naruto was presented with various gifts and thanks. in comparison to all of the other girls that claimed to have feelings for naruto, she was nothing. her awkward and quiet demeanor set her aside from the lively girls. girls that were more like naruto than she would ever be. yet she never once took notice to the fact that naruto rejected all of those girls, turning them down gently. no, she would run back to her home, as soon as the crowds would grow, and cry herself to sleep.

“i didn’t throw them around easily. i’m not the type to do something like that.”

“then _why_?”

“because i grew tired of waiting, naruto.”

“i was going to confess to you.”

“oh, were you now?”

“yes, hinata, fuck... the day i saw you with that guy i was going to confess to you.”

“i don’t believe you. there are so many other girls that are a much better fit than i am.”

“but i don’t want them, i want you.”

“well you shouldn’t want me.”

“hinata–”

“everybody loves you!” she shrieked, frustration running through her veins. her cheeks tinted rose and hair coming out of it’s tied back state, hinata was actually getting _mad_. she was squinting with rage that naruto had yet to see, hints of the veins in her face coming out into the open. “and for once in my life i wanted to feel loved too, naruto. the entire village, people from outside konoha, they worship you at this point. they give you so many things, they buy you food, they make you smile, i just wanted to feel that. so, i got over you and i finally found love. is that okay with you?”

the same moment as naruto opened his mouth to reply, ready to snap back that no, it wasn’t okay for her to find love that wasn’t his because he was the only person who could give hinata the love she deserved, hyuuga hiashi stepped up behind his daughter with eyes ablaze at the commotion. but that didn’t stop naruto, nothing was going to prevent him from letting all of this off his chest.

“is it okay with you that i was trying to come to terms with how i felt about you? i shouldn’t even ask that because it obviously wasn’t! i’ve only recently understand what the fuck love is and what it does to a person so i’m sorry. i’m sorry that it took time for me to realize that you’re the only person in this world that i want by my side. i’m sorry that i went through hell in back within these past few months and wasn’t ready to just jump into a relationship. are you sorry for anything? for giving up on me so fast? for not even reaching out to me after things calmed down? are you?”

before hinata could reply, hiashi pulled his eldest daughter back into the house and slammed the door in naruto’s face. the loud bang echoed throughout naruto’s ears, make the message from the old hyuuga as clear as day. leave. so, naruto left. he drug his feet across the grass of the hyuuga compound, even kicking a few lavender bushes to a mess of petals and branches. his heart felt no lighter than it did when he first stepped through the entrance, if anything it felt heavier. he didn’t want to yell at hinata, but it just happened. everything was bubbling up inside of him and it grew out of his control.

 _i think we should’ve just killed the boyfriend._ kurama’s voice at the back of naruto’s head broke him from his thoughts on the argument. without even knowing it, naruto had made his way out of the compound and was heading back to his apartment.

 _yeah, maybe we should have._ naruto let out a sad chuckle, running his hands through his golden hair. killing hiri would’ve been much easier than facing an angry hinata.

_i’m joking this time, dumbass. you need to apologize and not blow up at her. do you really think you made the situation any better than it was?_

_please, shut up._

_i’m just trying to help, kid._

_i know… i know, but i need to figure this out on my own._

_mhm, if you can._

_i can and i will._

the orange glow from the setting sun peeked through naruto’s half opened blinds. he was sitting on his bed, notebook and pen in hand. he had come up with an idea, whether or not it was a good one was questionable, but it an idea is an idea nonetheless and he was going to go through with it. at the top of the page the words “MISSION: HELP ( **NOT MAKE** ) HINATA FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU AGAIN” were written in large, sloppy letters. underneath the heading was a ten step plan that naruto had created. “1. APOLOGIZE. 2. UNDERSTAND HER FEELINGS. 3. UNDERSTAND HER FEELINGS FOR HIRI. 4. MAKE HER REALIZE HER WORTH. 5. SHOW HER HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HER. 6. BECOME A GENUINE FRIEND. 7. TAKE HER TO HER FAVORITE PLACES. 8. TAKE HER TO YOUR FAVORITE PLACES. 9. SHOW HER YOUR TRUST IN HER. 10. LOVE HER WITH EVERY FIBRE OF YOUR BEING.”

naruto rested against his headboard, grinning at the list that he created. although the immense guilt from the argument was still dragging him down, he was confident in the belief of making hinata fall in love with him again.

_this is disgusting and cheesy. you’re worse than kushina when she was pining after minato._

naruto couldn’t help but let out a laugh at kurama’s words, imagining how his mother must’ve been when she and his father were at the start of their relationship. seeing their blushing faces, youthful and full of love, in his mind gave him hope in that he and hinata would be like that one day.

_you’re going to fail embarrassingly and it’s going to be extremely amusing._

_kurama, you out of all should know one thing. i never fail._


End file.
